My Trouble with Football

“Why do you hate football so much?” my granddaughter asked the other day—a perfectly reasonable question. “You are a bit weird,” she added in more loaded language. Being very passionate about playing football herself, she gets a lot out of training along with her team. I`d say she`s getting quite knowledgeable about it too. Mind you, she did tell me in a separate conversation, that all men`s football is rubbish, whilst ladies' and girls' football is brilliant. What could I say to that?

Her question had me a bit stumped though, because by simply saying I don’t like it because I don’t, would seem rather lame. That set me thinking.

First, I've never liked playing or watching football, but in the bigger picture, I don’t especially like doing or watching any team or what might be called a `popular` sport. The only recreational activities that I do enjoy are hill walking, cycling and bike-camping. As I get older, I seem to get more passionate about my involvement in these. The two reasons I might give for this, are first, that they are magnificent ways of getting out and being in synergy with nature, and that’s surely an end in itself, even if it`s got nothing to do with these sports, per se. The second is either a bit more obscure, or focussed, depending upon how you look at it. You see, I`m becoming a bit too aware that people of my vintage have a habit of dying, so to counter this if it's possible, I`ll remain very active in the cycling and walking parts of this as long as I possibly can, to try and keep the inevitable at bay. But this blog is not about defending my interests.

It’s all very well, laudable even, but it dodges the original question about football. I could of course evade it even further by just maintaining that nothing like this is compulsory anyway. And I`m sure the football fraternity might well reply, thank god for that, especially about my cycling. Who wants a sore bum, after all?

I`ll acknowledge that playing football is a skilled activity. The more skilled you are, the better you get, the more goals scored, and potentially, the richer you become. But by far the majority of those who play football, do so for no other reason than the enjoyment they get out of it, and the satisfaction in playing in a team of like-minded people. This is as true of both the male and female versions. Good luck to them, I say in all honesty, as long as . . .

But one of the reactions I have is to the bland assumption that at least everyone can talk about football, and discuss it. Not being in the least bit interested in it, gets me off to a bad start there. And anyway, it's not mandatory, surely? Such an assumption is an instant turn-off for me; end of conversation. In some people`s eyes, that marks me down in disbelief as an anti-social kind of git. Hey Ho!

So what else is wrong with it?

A childhood memory hoves into view here, on Saturdays, late afternoon, as the football scores droned out of the radio, and subsequently, the television, I developed an intense dislike for this inflicted experience, from an early age. Looking back, I guess I just didn’t understand it. The scars endured though; oh how they lingered.

As we moved on, there were assumptions, expectations even, that I`d gladly take part in a game, in the playground or park. Trying to decline this not entirely malicious request or invitation, was met with a puzzled dismissive shrug. In defence, I had tried it, but it did nothing for me. Having a dodgy ankle from a childhood car accident probably didn’t help matters. Found I could live perfectly well without football.

There`s more of course, which I hope, is not simply marred by some kind of prejudice. It’s the way the game is organised if I can call it that, at senior and international levels. It is corrupted by money, filthy lucre. They call them clubs, but that is a misnomer. To me, a club is an organisation that people join, become signed-up paying members of, and above all through some legitimate form of governance, they control. The use of the word club in senior football is therefore a deception. In so saying, I hear the cries of derision in such a naïve statement. That’s simply not how it is, they scoff. And what about the young people who train and aspire? What is in it for them? All I can do is retreat from that debate, whilst casting a backward aside, that `I still don’t like it`.

I wonder then, if there is something in my genes, even if it has not been passed on continuously down the line to the next two generations. My paternal grandmother was deep set against gambling of any sort, perhaps for good reason, having seen the human misery it could cause if it were to get out of hand. I certainly loved and respected her greatly, but we never discussed gambling, it's just anecdotal family lore that she condemned all gambling; no debate. So did she also by association dislike football itself I wonder? We never discussed it either, so I`ll never know.

What`s more, as I look at football, it is propped up by gambling. Now although I`m not so ardent in this as my grandmother was, the oft-quoted fact that `the bookie always wins` echoes across the years; speaks volumes, it does. In a similar vein, the delivery of football to the assembled crowds seems to attract another blight, at great public expense; alcohol. OK, I`ll amend that accusation, to excessive alcohol consumption by some of the followers. Why should I, as a taxpayer have to subsidise sorting out the wrongs and harm this creates in police and court time, and to the overstretched health service? I do resent this, to my mind unnecessary, imposition, greatly.

Oh, and what about sectarianism in football? No, on second thoughts, we`ll leave that for another day.

I hear the football fan pleading, that because of human nature no less, if it wasn’t football, then it would be something else. And in any case, they add, it's some so-called fans that are the problem, not the sport itself. I feel my argument going around in circles here.

My granddaughter set me the challenge of trying to justify my dislike of football. I`m not so sure I`ve succeeded in this but have at least offered up a few factors to try and back up my stance. At the end of the day, it's all down to the fact, or happy acceptance even, that it is not compulsory.

I rest my case.